Thursday, May 21, 2015

Decisions

Are you afraid to make a decision? To take responsibility for it? It's easier to have someone to blame, isn't it? When it all goes wrong, to say "I knew it would be so"? But, of course, you didn't. How could you? Nobody knows.

Are you afraid to walk the lonely path, like they told you to be? Scared you'll be thought a fool, terrified that they will be right? Are you afraid of ending up with different, lonelier regrets? 

It's so hard to take a risk (we wouldn't call it a risk if it weren't scary), to make a choice and stick to it - to have conviction when you have too little knowledge and too many people who claim they know when they don't. To grow up.

But how can you have conviction in the face of uncertainty? And what do you do when even certainty scares you because you need choice, even if you cannot choose? Because you're afraid of a cage. Afraid to do as you're told even if that would make your life easier.

So you rebel against the people who "know best", who wish to give advice so you do as they had done and everyone before them so that your choice validates theirs. 

But even as you fight, you wonder if their way is safer. No one will look like a fool then - fail and we fail together, we'll laugh and cry together. Wouldn't you rather take the easy path? Go where the current takes you. Learn to not care. Learn to be happy there, in your little corner of green-enough grass, that looks just like everyone else's. Except you can't. And your life starts to feel less like real life and more and more like an increasingly chaotic joke played in a loop so many times, it isn't even funny anymore.

Friday, May 08, 2015

The Tunnel

In the tunnel
A shadow of light
An echo of quiet
A memory of the future
I run fast, and hard
Trying not to get back
To where I started.
I fail each time.

Sunday, May 03, 2015

Sweet dreams

I woke up with a smile today
My cheeks bursting with sweet remnants
Of a dazzling dream whose shimmering shadow
My mind-eyes refused to part with

I woke up with a jolt today
To a realization sweeter still
That this once, and if once is all,
It wasn't all just a dream